i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
