There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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