i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
either way he was missing a nipple.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
