Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
