even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
BRING THE BAGELS
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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