Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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