im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
