already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
