your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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