Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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