just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
