I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
