I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Everclear isn't food dammit
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