she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
