so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
