Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
