I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
