Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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