Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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