Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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