I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
