I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
