No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Randomize
