Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Randomize
