My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
