great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
