somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
