Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
