do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Randomize
