Your dad touched me again.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
