first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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