Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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