woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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