your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Randomize
