My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
