I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
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