I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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