so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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