PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
