i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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