I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
