I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
where are you?
Hypothermia
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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