I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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