I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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