Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
You pole danced in your parka.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
