rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
3pm strippers are depressing
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
