is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
