I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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