just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
My Sexting was not on an AP level
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
