There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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