An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
he was CRYING into my vagina
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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