Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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