pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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