I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
