my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
is wine microwaveable?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
