I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
