youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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