i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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