I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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